I want to live!
I`m Jihye Roh (Jubilee).
My parents are Christian so I was born into a Christian home and grew up in Presbyterian Church with ‘conservative ‘ perspective.
But as I grew up I realized that I wans’t a Christian, I just attended church service as a family tradition.
When I was 17, I was about to commit suicide. I was in a subway station waiting for a train to come so I could jump in front of the running subway.
But just then my dad called me and he said, “Do you know why God created dust? Without dust we will die because of ozone. God created everything with their own purpose to exist even dust. Then, you must think about why God created you and said ‘it was very good’.”
Because of that call, I started to agree that God really existed and I had lived to find out the reason I created.
When I was 21, I went on a mission trip to Ghana, Africa where I helped to set up kindergarten curriculums for 4 months. During that time, everyday, at least once a day, someone came to me and said “Jihye, you are so adorable. You are so bright girl. God loves you so much”. The time in Africa slowly changed me to start loving others with His love.
I think that God sent me there to restore my self-esteem through people.
When I was 24 I went to Jerusalem to teach art to Ethiopian Jewish kids. I thought that I could do something for God. But through this trip God delivered me from spirit of suicide with which I’ve struggled so much since 15 years old. Even though I went on many mission trips, I couldn’t break through the spirit. But one day God healed me perfectly.
And that experience made my life fully turn to Jesus.
After God healed me, He gave me new identity in Him through new job.
Last year I went to the States and met an American woman in Iowa. She is a strong intercessor and prophetic painter. Having had a very conservative childhood I didn’t know much about the Holy Spirit. I told her that I had seen a tree in a vision and really wanted to draw it.
Then she and her team stood up and came to me and said, “We believe the Lord wants to give you a special gift so that you will flow in the Holy Spirit. As you pray you will see colors and movements to paint.”
The day after that, during the Sunday service, all of a sudden I saw something like big green waves filling up the sanctuary. And after that God keep showing me what to draw.
I know that God has given me a special gift, it’s like my painting is intercessory prayer. He has given me the gift of discernment about people groups, nations and issues so that I can pray and paint.
As I pray, He teaches me how to paint, what brush to use, and even what color to use.
I can`t draw without the Presence of God. And I am always praying for Bible references for the pictures. I believe that God says to the person who gets a picture through Words, and He will let them know how He loves them as He did to me.
Looking back I realized that for my whole life I totally misunderstood God. I never could believe that He had a good plan for me, that He loved me and wanted to have a relationship with me. Most of all I could believe that He would choose me among so many people in the world. I thought, “If God is good, why does He allow others to bully me? Why does He allow me to want to commit suicide? Why did He allow my close friends die?”
But I was wrong. He was always there, and waited for me such a long time to have relationship with me.
Now I know and believe He decided to love me before the world created and He will love me more than anyone forever and ever.
So I decided to follow His way for His glory, and help people to come closer to Jesus and bring them to Jesus Christ for King`s glory.