Trusting the Lord

I grew up in small family, a single mom and two sisters in Korea. My dad died when I was 7 Years old. Sadly, I don’t have a happy memory with my dad except that he was in the bed because of his illness, or of my mom. I think my childhood was a kind of gloomy and lonely in a way under the circumstances. But I was happy in the Sunday school of the church. I enjoyed all kinds of activity such as singing in Choir, playing on Christmas Day, dancing in Worship service and even I loved the time of the bible quizzes and memorizing bible verses. As long as I remember, I was church girl that always stayed in the church. It molded me into good shape. Thank God!.

As I grew I struggled in the relationship with my mother. I didn’t like her, nor respected her. I knew what the Bible said but I could not do what it said. My conscience was bothered me but I couldn’t love her. Because of the guilty feeling, I stopped going church when I was in college and expected that I’d be happier with new freedom.

But I was not happy at all. It was worse.  An inexpressible emptiness and confusion overwhelmed me. That empty feeling ruined my college life. I had neither desire nor passion for my life. Everything looked like worthless but a thought of deep down in my heart kept saying “You need to fight these feelings; don’t give up!”  I looked for anything to hold. I started to learn Japanese.  I think that’s what held me and kept me going.

But I was continually fighting that overwhelming empty feeling even as I worked as a tour guide and interpreter for Japanese tourists after graduated University. I kept asking but never found the answers to my questions, “Why do I live?  What do I live for?” Gradually I got sick and finally had to quit the job.

My mother suggested that I visit my older sister who’s living in USA.

The first Sunday after I arrived in the  USA, I went to the church where my sister and her family attended.  I experienced a great relaxation and a peace that I’d never experienced before. I felt like I’d returned home from a long journey. One female group leader of the church invited me to the Bible study. Finally I found the answer – Jesus was the answer to all my questions.  I promised myself that I’d never leave church and His fellowship again. Since then I’ve never had the empty feeling any longer.

Now I began to wonder what His plan was for my life.

Seven years later I met my husband. I had been praying if it was the time for me to go back to Korea, or to stay in USA. Or if I wanted to be married.

My husband-to-be came to the university from Japan to begin a PhD course. I met him on his first day at the university while I was visiting a friend who was in the same department! I saw my husband in the office with my friend. Three years later we married.

A man’s steps are of the Lord; How then can a man understand his own way? (Proverbs 20:24 NKJV)

My husband became a Christian tree years earlier than our marriage through a student next door of his dormitory. So when we married, my husband was deepened in the Bible. We served Japanese American United Church in NY.

We’re fully committed to the church. I joined the Sunday school and my husband led the Bible study in small group. It became to “man to man care”. Many Japanese young fellows became Christians through this care.

When I taught Sunday school, I found in myself that I love children and happy with them. Although I wanted my own baby for many years, we could not have our own child.

I had no chance to express to my husband that how desperately I want to have a baby. Because he was so busy for both of the school and the church, I decided to pour it out to the Lord God instead.  My prayer started with reading 1John, a chapter by a chapter everyday. When I red the 1John 5:14-15,

“Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him”.

I bursted into tears for an hour and next day also emotional crying on same verses. When I started the prayer, I was afraid I might lose faith on the issue but He searched my concernment. He gave me perfect answer for my prayer.

I stopped praying for having a baby with peace of mind and trust in His plan whatever He has.

Our steps are of The Lord indeed!. How then can we understand our own way?

Unexpectedly my husband’s PhD dissertation took 10 years. In those 10 years, he spent most of his time for teaching bible and counseling people who were in serious trouble such as suicidal, drug involved, having a fair, etc. The Holy Spirit touched them and they accepted the Gospel and baptized.

One of them is now serving as a manga missionary to spread the Gospel through cartoons.

When he got the PhD, It was 2009, the United States confronted increasing unemployment. It seemed hard time to him for being an employed in America.

We started praying every morning in the church near by our flat.

Even though our goal was getting a job, unwillingly we prayed for different thing. We prayed separately, but each of us prayed for the Holy Spirit. We experienced the presence of God and received a private prayer language.

Our prayer continued to next year for an year and a half and then found ourselves on our way to India!   During the prayer of every morning, The Spirit of God healed each of us, our brokenness, low self-esteem, with His love.

I mentioned above about my gloomy childhood, so was my husband’s life. We both were broken. Our father God had cared about us and when we’re in middle age, we met real father, our Heavenly Father.

We worked in the University in India for a year and nine months. The University is located suburban of New Delhi. My husband was teaching civil engineering and eight-month later I was hired for Chinese students as a esl teacher. We thought we going to live in India in rest of our lives.

Surprisingly one day we had to leave India and return to Japan without job.  We were welcomed by Kelly, who was saved in New York and had dedicated her talent for spreading the Gospel into the world since then.

We have stayed with Kelly and her family. We were 24/7 with her, listening to her, praying with her, and gradually involved her ministry for a year, and have seen wonderful works of the Lord God.

At the same time, the Holy Spirit has worked for the staffs of Kelly’s ministry and for the church members including church leaders of Kelly’s local church that we’re attending as well.

They are healed and find their gifts, they also aware of working of the Spirit and praise the Lord.

The two pastors ( father & son ) of the church now admit that work of the Spirit for their church and believe God sent us for the church. The pastors have started teaching about The Holy Spirit to congregations in his sermon. ( They’re careful when they  “Holy Spirit” out in public considering the atmosphere of the society. )

The pastor’s wife who had been diagnosed of “interpersonal phobia” several years ago.  Through my husband’s counseling by the  Spirit, she repented. She’s recovered completely and happy to work for the church.

We knew nothing but our steps were of The Lord.

We travelled to Japan without understanding our own way just trusting God’s leading.   Its going to be more than a year without occupation, no income to live, but our father God gracefully provided us our daily bread and place to sleep through beloved people.

As yet, there is no job opening to my husband so far, he desperately sending his résumé over the world.

Of course it’s joyful to see the restoration among the people and we are grateful for being His instrument. But we have a question to The Lord, ‘until when…’

Young Hee Kim